Monday, October 14, 2013

How to Roll Over and Get Good and Dirty

1. Wait until you have been bathed and groomed and are all nice and clean and shiny.


2. While walking around the arena, sniff and search and scratch for exactly the right spot in which to roll. Do this again and again and again. Keep threatening to roll in a corner of the arena, where you can possibly end up getting stuck, or "cast," and unable to rise again because your legs are jammed up against the arena wall, causing all sorts of difficulties for your owner. Don't actually do it; just play with those human minds for a bit.


3. When you have found exactly the right latitude and longitude and particulate size for a good, back-scratching roll, sink to the ground with loud groaning noises that make everybody around you think that you are quite possibly dying.


4. Prepare to roll.


5. Writhe furiously. Make sure you get that really annoying itchy spot way back on your spine. Flail wildly with all four legs.


6. Repeat.


7. Arise with a leap and a start. Buck and kick a few times and dash forward. Then stop and shake like a big dog.

8. Wear your dust with pride.

"Sorry about the grooming job, Mom (not!)."